My Open Apology to Everyone at The Augusta Planet Fitness

Jun 09, 2023

In September, I tried out the new "Planet Fitty" in Augusta, Maine. All the young people are abbreviating these days, so that is what I call Planet Fitness.

I walked in and was wowed by the sheer size of this place.

It's fairly new and opened this past March, so I was excited to meet everyone and try their new machines.

So, I ran on the treadmill for a bit and then wanted to go tanning. I told the lovely girl behind the counter that I wanted to be sizzled. So I asked her to put me into the hottest booth in the joint.

So she grabbed me winkies (eye protection) and I went into room number 7.

I then disrobed and carefully climbed into the booth. And let me tell you, tanning beds are not made for comfort. So I always feel so awkward mounting up on those things naked.

So, I am laying there on my back waiting because lights haven't turned on yet. I was already sweaty from my workout so my butt cheeks were sticking to the booth already which isn't pleasant and makes squeaky duck sounds when you try to adjust yourself.

There is normally a delay of a few minutes to give the person tanning enough time to get undressed and ready to tan. But more then just a few minutes passed. So, the lazy me, gave it even more time because I did not want to climb off, get dressed, run out, then come back in. But, of course, that's what happened.

I fell out of the booth, and decided not to get fully clothed because all I was doing was running out and letting them know it wasn't turning on. So, instead, I threw on my sweatshirt and yoga pants.

Something to note: My yoga pants were on the ground and my underwear was laying inside of them. So I grabbed my pants quickly and pulled them on my body.

I ran out to the front desk and informed them that the booth wasn't working. The guy that helped me was very good looking so I was of course, "aware" of that if you know what I'm saying, girls.

He told me that the bed wasn't turned on initially. I then turned around and walked back into room number 7 after he fixed it.

Seems like all was fine and good right?

Well, it wasn't. I looked at myself in the mirror when I returned to the room and saw that my underwear was hanging out of the back of my pants the entire time I was standing out by the front desk.

Let me say this again, my very unsexy gym underwear was hanging out of the back of my pants. Not peaking out, not slightly showing, but fully hanging out for the world to inspect.

To the employees and my fellow fitness junkies, I am sorry if you saw my Calvin's. It was not my intention to half-moon you. I will be wearing a disguise the next time I come in.